Positive Communication Before and After Marriage

          Are you thinking about getting married? Have you ever constantly been getting in fights with a boyfriend or girlfriend and never been able to resolve things effectively? Have you ever thought to yourself that everything will be different once you are married? Or have you ever wondered what the best way to effectively communicate with your partner is? Then I suggest you read the rest of this blog post. I am going to go over some facts and helpful tips about effective communication and the effects it will have on your relationship later in life.

One of the most important things in a relationship is the way that you communicate. When there isn’t any communication, or the only kind of communication is negative, the relationship will start its spiral downward. Before you are making the decision to get married, be sure to evaluate the kind of communication that you have with your boyfriend or girlfriend. I want to talk today about some of the effects that good and bad communication can have on a relationship at the present, and later in down the relationship path. Your relationship satisfaction can be determined by the communication you have and work toward at the beginning of your relationship.

When observing the relationship between pre-marital conflict, and later satisfaction in life, (Noller, Feeny. 1998) found that as couples reported pre-marital conflict, the more dissatisfaction they had later in the marriage. It is so important to have good and effective ways to solve conflict in a relationship before marriage. That is a huge reason to learn how to effectively communicate right now, before you enter in to marriage. Make it a goal with your partner to use positive communication now, and later in the relationship or marriage. Now when you make that agreement, make sure you learn together the ways that you can communicate that will help your relationship and marriage so you will be successful together.

The key communication tactics that you need to remember are what we are going to talk about now. One of the biggest is how to communicate during a conflict. When communicating about a conflict it is important to remember these communication points. I will give the definition of each point and the example of the strategy to help you understand. These are the positive communication strategies that will be most effective in keeping a marriage happy and successful.

Strategies:

1.     Reason: Rational argument. Problem solving (use of reason or logic; presenting alternatives or seeking solutions.) An

Examples: I use reason to back what I’m saying; I put forward options, being logical.

2.     Assertion: Direct expression of opinions or wants. (clear statement of           one’s  position; redirecting conversation to topic; emphasis by gesture or eye contact.)

Examples: I make a forthright statement of my points; I use repetition to emphasize my points.

3.     Partner Support: Acknowledgement of partner’s views (active listening or questioning; supporting or agreeing with partner; compromise or concession.)

Examples: I’m being a good listener; I try to understand his point of view; I look for areas of agreement.  (Noller, Feeny, 1998, Pg. 21)

            As you learn to use these communication strategies effectively, you will be able to have better and successful relationships not only with your future spouse or partner, but also with other people in your life. Remember to be positive and always work toward a solution that both partners are happy with. Success in communication before marriage will lead to a happy marriage where you will be able to successfully overcome conflicts within the marriage, and be able to communicate your feelings throughout the marriage. Remember, get started now and continue to work on communication! It will only lead to success and happiness!  

Source: Noller, Feeney (1998). Communication in Early Marriage: Responses to Conflict, Nonverbal Accuracy, and Conversational Patterns. The Developmental Course of Marital Dysfunction. 1998, 11-43.