It has been a few years and mom and dad are ready to date
again. When should the kids be introduced to the new man or woman in your
life? Here are some tips for doing just
that.
Take it slow. You
should plan on introducing your kids to your significant other; when you feel
that this person is going to be a permanent part of you and your kids’ lives. Kids, depending on their age, take time to
adjust. They may feel that the new
partner is trying to replace the missing parent. Reassure your kids that this is not the case.
Show them a picture of your new partner. Tell them interesting things about the
person. Answer any questions that they
may have regarding him or her.
When the kids are ready to meet this person, choose a
neutral place. Children may feel that
another adult in the house threatens them in some way. They are ready for you
to date, but not ready to see another potential parent figure in their
home.
Go to a movie that everyone can enjoy and have a nice dinner. Each person gets to talk to each other and
the kids. Observe how they interact and
how they deal with different situations. The next day, ask your kids what they thought
of the person. Take their feedback t
heart when deciding on the next step.
Prepare your partner for some hostility when they come over
to the house. You don’t expect the kids
to act rudely, but they need to adjust to the new person. On the other hand, inform the children that your
partner is coming over and what you expect from them. If the kids have any objections, during your
conversation is the time to get those feelings out in the open so they can be
addressed.
To make the meeting not so formal, host a cookout at the
house. Invite friends and family over so
they can meet the new person in your life.
Let the kids get a chance to interact with the new partner before the
festivities begin. The kids get the
opportunity to settle in with him or her but the cookout keeps the pressure off
of them to spend the entire evening with your partner.
Don’t force a meeting for the sake of the relationship. Tell your partner up front that your kids
come first. You want the relationship to
work but not at the kid’s expense. When the
kids are ready to meet, then the meeting will take place.
Along these same lines, if you have to break a date due to
the kids needing your attention, schedule and alternate time. Don’t just let the date go by forgotten. If you value both relationships, be flexible
in scheduling. The kids will see that
you do care about this person and them at the same time.
Introducing your child to your new partner is
important. They will become a part of
the child’s life as well as yours. Don’t
be impatient about the meeting. When the time is right, it will happen.
APA referenceHartwell-Walker, M (2006) When should my boyfriend introduce me to his kids? Retrieved on March 10, 2012 from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2006/06/16/when-should-my-boyfriend-introduce-me-to-his-kids/
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